College Lesson Learned #21

#21- If you ever go speed-dating, don’t be yourself.

Once upon a time, in a magical land called College, there were two knights and two ladies. These four individuals were the best of friends. These four people did everything together when first arriving at College. They ate dinner together as a family, they watched movies together and they even decided to show the bachelors and bachelorettes of the land of College the awesomeness they possess via speed-dating.

Now the two ladies decided to dress as the fairest in the kingdom for this speed-dating event. They dressed to look good and wow all the young available knights of the land of College. However, the two knights, being of a somewhat sinister and sick nature, decided that they would dress and act like the barbaric peasants of the “Shores of Jersey.” These two knights looked the part. They worked out earlier, did their laundry, and were already tan from the rays of summer. They had it all

.

They met the fair ladies in their castle (because that’s where the speed-dating meeting was taking place). Upon walking in, the ladies looking beautiful as always, walked up to the two peasant lookalikes, and said, “What are you wearing?” The chivalrous knights simply smiled and opened up the door for the ladies.

The four walked into one of the great halls to find nobody there, except one of the Lords and one of the Ladies of this castle. They were stewards of the Great RLC. Apparently, nobody wanted to go except the four of us.

Somewhat disappointed, they decided to leave the great hall and go to the Banquet Hall to partake in the evening banquets together as the family they are. They walked in and picked their food and went to sit down and eat. As they were paying for their food, the ladies still in disbelief said, “I can’t believe that you thought that was a good idea, dressing like that. No one of this fair land would flirteth with thee!”

Nodding, one of the great knights (still dressed as a barbaric peasant of the “Shores of Jersey”) walked up to one of the elderly maids and asked, “Peasant, would thee flirteth with me at a pub if I were dressed as such?” In almost too quick of a response, she replied, “OH Yes!!! Of course I would.”

From that day forth the elderly maid of the banquet hall called herself the knight’s “cougar-mama.”

Moral: Modern stories are somewhat funnier and more satirical when told in medieval times.

Real Moral: Never ask an “elderly maid” if she would flirt with you at a bar, because she WILL be honest, and you’ve just opened yourself to nicknames for both you and her. Learn from my past mistakes.

College Lesson Learned #20

#20- Naps are wonderful. Plan accordingly.

I never liked naps. I absolutely hated them, naps were stupid and a waste of time and threw off my sleeping schedule. I thought that they were stupid because if you slept two hours during the day, that's two hours that you have completely lost. Those are moments missed that you can't ever get back. I also would wake up groggy and not very refreshed if it was more than 20 minutes. That is how I felt about naps...

... then I went to college... and everything changed.

I'm converted. I am a firm believer in naps. Naps are a staple in the lives and sanity of students at the collegiate level. When you stay up until the early morning hours each night, only to get up at 7:55am for your 8am class, you need to learn to take power naps, or to schedule in a longer nap during the day. 

Also you don't have to sleep; just lay down and close your eyes for twenty minutes. It does absolute wonders. As long as you are relaxed, clear you mind, and you bring your heart rate down from all that caffeine you've pumped into your system, you should be fine.

This lesson is more advice than an actual story, but hear me out, I feel this is extremely important. I've learned that naps really do affect your academic performance a great deal. When you're tired and you know that you are going to be up for an extremely long time, take a 15-60 minute nap. You will be able to stay up longer and you'll be much more energized, focused, and fresh to do that 12 page paper that you've known about all semester long but haven't started. 

Moral: Naps are another tool to keeping your sanity and academic performance at a good level. 

College Lesson Learned #19

#19- Don’t be surprised if you walk into your room and people are there who aren’t your roommate.

It’s safe to say that my room is the place to be. Not because it’s nicer than the other dorms, because it’s not. I’m sure you’re wondering, well if it isn’t better, than why do people hang out there even when you’re not there. In all of my modesty, I humbly say that it is because I live there… definitely doesn’t have anything to do with the fridge or the 40” television or Xbox live. That’d be crazy.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that other people are in my room more than I am. Seriously. First semester at college I was always out and about and committed to 32.4 clubs or activities (yes, 32.4, back off, you don’t know my life!), and I’d walk in and Terry and my friend Dave and Tom would be sitting with my roommate on our two beds. I’d walk in and get a little upset at them. They come in my room, they sit on my bed, but they DON’T eat my food? I told them that I wanted it gone, I have too much for my own good. My poor mother thinks that I’m starving at school, forgetting that I have a meal plan.

One time in particular, I was going to hang out with some people on a Friday or Saturday Night, and I come back to sit down and go to bed. I opened the door and there were nine people in my room. Nine. At this point, this was the greatest number of people I had had in my room ever, and I couldn’t believe it. Funny thing is, I lock my door. My roommate had allowed one to come in and watch a movie with “a few friends.” I’m not sure if he realized that “a few friends” meant nine. But whatever, they were watching The Producers, a personal favorite of mine. So… I couldn’t go to bed. They did however drink some hot cocoa and eat some food so it was all good.

Moral: Don’t be awesome, people will attempt to seize control of your room.

College Lesson Learned #18

#18- Coloring pictures always makes a bad day good or a good day better.

One of the many surprises I’ve experienced while being at school is that now that on your own, you have the ability to do what you want. You can do ANYTHING you want, no one is there to tell you that you can’t do something and there aren’t as many people telling you that you shouldn’t do something… you know of what I speak, and that is reverting to childhood comforts. Crayons, colored pencils, and markers are easily the best thing that has happened to civilization. In college, we love to express ourselves.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I bought a coloring book one of the first days of school, and coloring pictures are simply wonderful. There are few things in life that beat a wonderfully drawn picture of Wolverine or Spiderman. After seeing the midnight showing of The Avengers last night, I think there will be more coloring pages used… we’ll see.

One day, our RA staff did a program in which we colored Disney coloring pages. I was having a bad day, and didn’t feel like embracing my inner child. Well noticing my distress, my roommate came back to my room with three pictures. One of Prince Charming (fitting I know), one of Hercules (again, fitting), and an uncolored one of Woody and Buzz Lightyear for me to color.

Moral: Make sure you have a good roommate who will color you pictures that will make you happy on a bad day.

College Lesson Learned #17

#17- Facebook is the second easiest way to procrastinate. YouTube takes first.


College students, you know this is extremely true. If I have ever said something true, this would be it. You know that when you have a paper due you have to check your email, then twitter and then Facebook. When you go on Facebook the time you know you shouldn't be on there, there are maybe three or four comments that you're tagged in, but there are always a few videos and pictures that have been posted and you must look at all of them. 


Ideally, you would then get off and work on your paper or project, but oh no. You don't. The video of the guilty dog reminds you of the one video of the sad, talking dog. Of course then you post that video on everyone's wall, and watch related videos and you go on Imgur... next thing you know it's 2:11am and you haven't started that 4-6 page paper for your English class.


Moral: Use Facebook and Youtube sparingly. Or start your paper and reward yourself so then at least you got something accomplished.

College Lesson Learned #16

#16- Nice guys finish last, but they always get baked goods.

This may have been one of the truest things my roommate had ever told me. It was early in the school year, and  my roommate and I were contemplating deep, troubling issues in society along with Terry and another friend. Well after they left, the topic of relationships came up and we were talking about why girls like douchebags.

Now girls always try and defend themselves by saying, "We don't like douchebags!!!" Honey... puh-leeze! Everyone knows that girls like douchebags, assholes, and jerks. Other times I have found that girls justify their man-loving-from-a-distance based on physical attraction. I say to them, "Wait you like HIM? He's a meanie pants, why do you like him?" And the particular female I with says something along the lines of "I know he is, but he's just so pretty." Maybe that's what really bothers me, girls calling boys "pretty." Not handsome, pretty.

Anyway, we were discussing many of these issues and we talked about why girls don't like good guys until they're older. We tossed around a few ideas, but honestly it is counter-intuitive. So as we were talking two girls from the fifth floor came and brought us cookies, because we were very nice to them earlier and they had some left over. Earlier that day, there were two other occasions of people of the feminine species bringing us cupcakes or cookies.

I have a soft spot for dessert goods. Unfortunately these particular girls clearly had no interest or had a boyfriend or man of some sort. My roommate looked at me and said, "Well this kinda sucks now, relationships I mean, but hey I'm okay with being a nice guy. Because although nice guys finish last, we always get the baked goods."

"I love baked goods too a lot, but I'd be fine with both if at all possible.

My roommate looked at me as he said, "Phil, don't worry, when we're thirty-five and single, ALL the girls will want us." 

"Ben, I don't know about you, but I really hope that I'm not waiting until I'm thirty-five for girls to want us."